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In order to consolidate my blogging activities, I'm continuing this blog at:

http://jasonandthekid.wordpress.com

See you soon.

Jason

Standing tall

Rose is generally an active baby, always happy to wriggle or wave her arms and legs around and generally have a good squirm.

Recently, however, this has developed into wanting to stand up.....seemingly all the time. Now I say stand up, but of course this does not mean entirely by herself - she needs our help. This is, of course, worse because she's fairly hefty these days and having to hold her up for ages gets a bit tiring. If you try to sit her down when she doesn't want to then you get a bit of grumbling.

I'm sure this is all good leg strengthening stuff and will lead to her running around in no time. It may even be good at making deborah and I much stronger. It'll be nice though when she can just do it without our help.

Happy standing!

Sleeping through

I've been quite reluctant to post this entry as I feel it'll tempt fate in a big way.

Oh well, here goes....

For the last few weeks rose has been more or less sleeping through the night. At first she was waking up at 5.30 or 6.00 but now it seems to be till at least 7.00 or (today) 8.30am.

This is all quite pleasant and civilized really, we could get used to it.

Reaching out

Rose has been able to get her hands in her mouth for a few weeks, but in the last few days she's been reaching further afield.



She now grabs her own feet (so far her favourite) and almost anything else within reach.

Off the scale....

Going solo

I'd done a few 'test drives' feeding Rose from the bottle, but this Sunday it was time for me to go it alone for an afternoon while Deborah had some time off.

Things started well, Rose watched me make myself a bit of lunch following which I gave her a little bath and then she had a bit of a nap.

It got to around three hours from her last feed and I was keen that she didn't get really hungry and irritable so I decided to wake her and give her a bottle. The sky around this time also went dark and rain started - I should have seen this as a sign.

I then spent the next two hours trying to feed Rose and she spent the next two hours variously screaming, crying and occasionally briefly sleeping. I could tell she was really hungry, it's just that she was just not keen on this new-fangled bottle thing that was being foisted on her.

I eventually had to call the cavalry (Deborah) back from her shopping and cinema expedition. Ironically, shortly before D got back, Rose took a bottle to no small relief from me.

Drinking from a bottle is a different action to a real boob and I think it takes some getting used to by Rose. As we do this more often, I'm sure it'll get easier.

Please let it get easier...

Hitting the bottle

We started this week giving Rose a bit of expressed milk using a bottle.



I have to say that I found it very empowering feeding my daughter, I finally feel that I can see to all her needs.

Also, as a brucey bonus Rose actually gets to see the person feeding her rather than just boob and arm. All the way through she just looks up at me with a steady and loving gaze. ahhhhh.

The next step is for Deborah to go out and we can have a father and daughter afternoon. Can't wait....

A day at the office

Rose had her first taste of work today when Deborah brought her into my office so I could show her off to my colleagues.

She was an absolute darling, awake, alert and cute and I couldn't have asked for more. I'm so pleased and proud of her and glad that my work-mates finally got to see the person I go on about so much.

Very pleasing day.

Bathtime

Rose is getting bigger and apart from starting to out-grow some of her clothes, she also gets to go in the baby bath.

Up to now, Rose has had wipe downs and just holding her head over a bowl to wash her hair.

Now that she is a big girl who can hold her head up she gets to go in the baby bath donated by my friend Andy. How happy she is at bath time seems to vary as sometimes she gurgles and seems quite cool about it and at other times she just screams and screams.

At the end after I've toweled her dry and put her in a fresh set of clothes I get the bonus of tufting her hair into amusing styles. My favourite is a tuft on top and one on each side so that it looks like three horns.



Kids are fun!

'I've got feet!'

Just hanging out with my little girl last night when she discovered something new.

I'm sure she discovers something new every hour, but this time it was her feet. Rose was sitting on my lap, when she pulled herself forward and her hands touched her feet. This seemed to startle her and you could almost see the light bulb go on - 'if my hands touch these things I can feel it'.

She then just stared for ages at her ickle toes. What a revelation.

Undisturbed

The screaming greeted me as I approached the house coming home yesterday evening. With small interludes the screaming and being upset continued for pretty much all of the evening.

Poor little Rose was so tired and exhausted that she slept for a record breaking seven hours straight! She may have had a troublesome evening but it did give us an undisturbed night.

The sleeping at night was stretching longer and longer and I'm loathe to call this a breakthrough, but you never know.

A weighty issue

Born a respectable 7lb 9oz and now after many healthy meals from her mum she tips the scales at 10lb.

She has turned from a skinny little thing into a far rounder 'Winston Churchill' look. This is all good of course.

Killer smile

Rose gave me the first, definite and intentional smile today. Got me a bit choked up.

Never quite fails to amaze me how much the small things Rose does makes me feel so happy.



Feeling good.

Sleepless in Sydenham

Just had one of those nights everyone promises where you get no sleep.

Rose cried and cried, we changed her, fed her and comforted her and to no avail. Actually she would drop off if lying on my shoulder, but then i can't sleep so when i tried to put her down it all kicked off again.

Eventually, we just put her down and let her cry and felt very guilty.

Feeling a bit of a zombie at work. It's all because I was feeling 'this isn't so bad, i can cope with this' that fate intervened.

Hopefully this won't be every night.

Comparisons

Vanity is a terrible thing and whilst it's easy to think your own baby is the best, we actually got to see if it was true at the weekend.

Deborah, Rose and I went for the first big meet up of all the families from our ante-natal class. The mums had met before, but this was the first time all the children had been there too.

It was a nervous moment and I was expecting the worst, but I needn't have feared, Rose was by far and away the best looking. She definitely had the most hair, which everyone remarked upon.



Rose was also, bizzarely, pretty much the biggest and most developed baby, even though she was the last one of them born. I realise we've been pretty lucky really.

After a while we drifted into boy and girl groups, us guys talking about rugby and football and the girls (apparently) talking about breastfeeding, stitches, sore nipples and nappies. Go figure...

On the Sunday it was my first Fathers day as a dad. Slightly underwhelming as Rose didn't realise, though I'm sure this will improve in the years to come. We did have our first outing into town, though, which was exciting. Rose cried in the Photographers gallery and Paul's - what a good girl.

One day at a time

Deborah and I enjoyed our first wedding anniversary on Monday. This was part of a pretty great long weekend consisting of a garden party at Deborah's parents, a lazy Sunday in Crystal Palace and a cool day out at Kew Gardens.



The weather was hot and sunny (I got a tiny bit burnt) and the days were balmy. Rose was good as gold during the day, mostly sleeping and looking cute.

The nights, however, have been a bit more fraught. Rose seems not to be as happy at night and needs quite a bit of comforting. She often gives the indications of wanting some food, but then gets over-excited with arms flailing and finds it hard to get a good latch.

The difficult nights are more of a burden to Deborah of course and she has talked of switching to bottle feeding. We'll have to see.

It feels a little at the moment that we are getting by, one day at a time.

Back to work

I really enjoyed my week of paternity leave. We had some challenges, sure, but Rose was relatively easy to look after and it was just nice to spend time with her and Deborah.

It was a bit of a blow when I had to go back to work, not least because I felt I was abandoning Deborah to the sole responsibility of looking after Rose. I feel bad enough that I can't help with the feeding.

Deborah has tried to help me out by not calling on me so much at night, but this only increases her burden so we'll have to see how that goes.

My returning to work seems to be joined by Rose waking up and being a bit more fractious. It's dreadful as a parent when the little creature you brought into the world is crying and obviously upset, yet you can't seem to make things better. I want to take away any pain and discomfit, but we just can't always work out what the problem is?

This all means I cherish all the more those great moments when Rose is awake and just looking around taking in her surroundings. Sometimes she looks up at me and I feel a real connection.

It's all worth it really.

Senior Personal Sanitation Engineer

Rose has been home a few days now and things have started to fall into a bit of a routine.

Deborah obviously takes care of the breast-feeding side of things and I seem to do most of the nappy changing. We've been doing so well that we've decided to promote each other.

Deborah is now the Chief Milk Technician and I'm the Senior Personal Sanitation Engineer.

I'm amazed how quickly I've adapted to doing a change in the middle of the night, quickly and efficiently but still with my eyes half closed before stumbling back to bed.

We've managed to get out to the park and the shops in the pushchair which is more than I was expecting to be able to do in the first week.

Homecoming

After four days of being in hospital, my new family actually come home.

I'd been kicked out of the hospital at 2000 every evening and not allowed back till 1000 each morning. Home is particularly lonely when your wife and new daughter aren't there.

I was so glad when Deborah called me to say that Rose had finally been given the all-clear and that they could be discharged. I rushed to the hospital, but of course nothing happens very quickly there. It was 1300 before we could finally get out of there and home.

What a relief.

Yellow peril

Rose has entered the world, it's just that we can't get her home.

The poor thing is cute as a button and is healthy as hell, just apart from a touch of jaundice. She's not particularly yellow, it just looks like she has a bit of a golden tan.

The upshot of all this is that my new little family have had to stay at the hospital which is becoming a bit of a bummer. Deborah is holding up pretty well considering she's practically in prison.

I'd heard about it beforehand and found it to be true - we just can't stop staring at Rose. She's better than TV.

My favourite thing so far is to have Rose on a pillow on my lap (asleep) with me reading a book. Every time I turn a page or when she makes a gurgle I can look down and see how cute she is. Bliss.

Birthday

A strange old day and no mistake, but all's well that end's well and it ended very well indeed.

When i arrived first thing in the morning, Deborah was already in a lot of pain having been given the induction drugs the night before. The pain only got worse and more frequent and it was a bit grim as we were on a shared ward. eventually with enough crying out and tears we were given a room and D got an epidural.

There was a slightly amusing moment (in hindsight) when there were around 10 doctors and midwives in the room all watching Deborah scream out for a couple of minutes. They had to uncomfortably wait till D had finished and then they could continue asking their questions.

Deborah soon had the epidural in and things calmed down a lot. In fact for the next 5-6 hours it was all pretty boring. I didn't feel it was appropriate to read a book and there was no radio or music and D was so out of it, there wasn't much conversation.

By 1900 D was only 6-7cm dilated so the doctors suggested upping the induction drugs to speed things along. This worked but also made things more painful so by now Deborah was using so much drugs that she couldn't feel her legs any more.

By 2030 Deborah was fully dilated and it was decided to go for the push. Deborah was trying her hardest to push, but was struggling to feel anything. This bit is clearly the downside of an epidural. After over an hour of pushing and no head, the doctors decided to pull the baby out.

The doc attached a little white suction cup to the babies head and more people appeared in the room. A real sergeant major type midwife turned up and directed everyone, making sure everyone pushed/pulled in time with the contractions. It was an exciting few minutes. The baby was having trouble getting out so the doctor performed an episiotomy to make a bigger exit. This seemed to do the trick - a head emerged and then very quickly the whole body and Rose was born!



The cord was cut and Rose was whisked away and a midwife did the post birth checks that need doing. They briefly gave Rose to Deborah, but she was in a slightly uncomfortable position and being sewn up by the doctors so I got to hold her.

Holding your baby for the first time is a pretty amazing experience and i thought I'd be crying but it didn't work out like that. I'll certainly never forget looking down on this fresh new creature and having these slate grey and beautifully clear eyes looking up, seemingly studying me. I also remember being amazed by how big her hands and particularly feet are. Rose's nails are so long and even then scratched her face a little.

Seeing your own baby being born is a powerful experience and the proud feeling I have in Deborah and Rose is enormous.

Rose was born at 10.55 on 23 May 2008. I got to phone the grandparents and my aunt around midnight and they were of course, delighted and proud.

We eventually got to the maternity ward around 0100 in the morning and
I was sent home shortly afterward.

A long day, but the biggest of my life so far.

The big push

Looks increasingly like it'll be the induction tomorrow. A bit of a shame not to have the home birth we planned, but on the other hand the chance of an epidural may be a good thing.

I have a really good feeling, as i have all along, that everything is going to work out OK. I feel that it's probably going to be a difficult day or two, but that we'll have a lovely, healthy baby at the end of it. I do feel a little nervous, but that's because it's just such an unknown for me and completely outside my own experience.

I am very much looking forward to seeing and holding our baby though. I've been imagining it for months and I can't wait now.

It's been a long wait, but now for the big push.

The final mile

No sign of anything just yet.

We went to the hospital last Friday and booked in an inducement for friday on the off-chance nothing kicks off before then. We're hoping not to have to wait till then of course.

An inducement means going into hospital which isn't ideal, but at least you can get proper drugs there.

The waiting game continues.

A little wobble

The mid-wife thought the little fellas heart beat was a little slow so D and I had to go to the hospital and get it checked out.

Got seen pretty quick and thankfully, everything is fine. We then had to wait another 3 frickin' hours before the doctor could come and see us and let us home! No dinner for us - [sob]....

We were in the top room at the labour ward though - birthing pool, aqua light tube thing and a disco-ball. No expense spared it seems.

It's the waiting....

The preparations continue. Last weekend I watched an nct video on giving birth. At first I found it quite shocking seeing two women give birth, but it's a mighty powerful thing and I was quite emotional by the end. I also feel a little better armed for our own birth which is the main thing.

Equipment wise, all we've added is several square metres of plastic sheeting. Hmmm.

Since last weekend though, i've basically just been on high alert and waiting. I feel like a soldier waiting to be dropped into enemy territory, but not knowing when the plane will leave. The longer it goes on the more jittery i get, though i'm trying not to show it in front of deborah.

Any day now i'm sure....

Feeling the fear

Was going to go out last night and watch Ironman with D and my Dad, but i got a call from the missus - 'I'm not feeling that good, can you come home'.

For the first time, i thought, 'my god, this is it!'. I got home as soon as possible and it looks like it was just an upset stomach (is this a sign?).

It's all getting a bit real now.

Watching and waiting.....

This birth plan malarky

Hmmm, had to come up with a birth plan - not as easy as I'd first imagined. There are all sorts of questions on the form, but precious little advice on what the answers should be.

Home or hospital is an easy one - home. After that a lot of the questions are irrelevant as they only apply if your in hospital, such as do you want an epidural?

I think we've muddled through and I'm sure we'll be fine. From what i hear, things almost never go to the 'plan' anyway.

counting the days....

We're ready

That's it, job done.

The nursery is decorated (a nice cream and blue), we have all the equipment and gadgets required for at least the first week or two.

All we need now is a baby.